Category Archives: the fucking patriarchy

whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

than to blog.  that is the question.

or maybe it is really just that i swing wildly back and forth between wanting to pour my heart out here, in positive and negative realms, and wanting not to expose myself.  the fear of my distant associates finding me here holds me back, and the pain-in-the-arse-ness of the passworded post keeps me from that route right now…sigh.

in lieu of a) suspending my blog and b) writing reams about the latest wounds with salt in them, here are some random bullets greg-style:

  • i brought home a gorgeous loud musical instrument, which forced me to completely rearrange my room to fit it in.  i will have to obtain mute pads before i can play it but i am SO HAPPY.  i got a good deal on craigslist.
  • i had an awful run-in with straight culture this past weekend — an evil straight dude basically came on to me with his wife IN THE SAME ROOM.  GROSS.
  • i had a terrible femme fashion moment — due to the pouring rain i had succumbed to the dreaded temptation to wear my sneakers to my new employee training, which culminated in lunch at the faculty club.  i’m happily munching my grilled cheese sandwich when all of a sudden the dean of my [former] graduate school walks in and sits at the table next to us.  this is a person who has a high opinion of me, and even higher expectations.  AND I WAS WEARING SNEAKERS WITH MY WORK CLOTHES.  epic fail.  i tried to hide my face but she was on the side of me that has less hair (i’m parting my hair on the side these days) and so all i could do was try to hide my feet under the table & hope she didn’t notice me.  i’m calling this a lesson learned for good.
  • i’ve been re-connecting with the music scene here in boston and going out more, and it feels so so good.  i feel like i lost sight of how much i love going to rock shows and watching people make music.  a main motivation for having just made my extravagant and awesome purchase is to bring it home even more personally and have an opportunity to do it as well as watch.  yay.

i think that’s all, folks.  stay tuned for bi-monthly angst and updates ❤

when i rule the world

all workplaces will have the following:

1.  tea/coffee stations, where you can boil water, make tea, and access various products which one might like to add to one’s tea.

2.  child care facilities, that will be staffed partly by paid attendants and partly through volunteer labour from the parents who use it.  these volunteer hours will be taken from the parents’ workdays and paid at their regular rate.

3.  a nap room, which can be signed out for up to 1/2 hour once per day by any staff member.

4.  an anger-management room, which will be soundproofed completely and contain an assortment of items like bouncing balls, a punching bag, a few free weights, etc.  this room can also be signed out by any staff member for up to 15 minutes.

5.  gender neutral bathrooms, where each stall is private and lockable, and there is a main area for sinks & hand-drying facilities.

6.  windows with access to natural light.

happy monday, everyone.

it’s all right because i like the way it hurts

do you all know this song?

video here.  lyrics here.

ok.

this song had me in tears both times i heard it on the radio.

it’s about an abusive relationship, where both partners are guilty of losing control and hitting the other, though there is an implication that the male partner has a harder time being responsible.  the twist at the end is pure horror — he admits that he’s trying to get her back but he’s not going to change, not going to treat her well, he knows this about himself.  and she admits that she knows he’s not going to change, she predicts the final outcome, where he burns her alive in their ruined relationship.  and she says it’s all right, she likes the way it hurts, she loves the way he lies.

my reaction to this song is really complex.  he says, “your temper’s just as bad as mine is, you’re the same as me…maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano” i know what that means.  i’ve been locked in a struggle with someone like that, where things spiral out of control and it’s a never ending puzzle to figure out who started it or who’s at fault.  people get violent with each other, relationships can be mutually abusive.

but then, the resolution of the song seems to fall back into the awful trope of passive, forgiving, accommodating woman meets headstrong, understandably out of control man.  he burns her alive, and she accepts it because she loves him.

what the fuck?  and why does that feel even for a moment like i can identify with it?

why is it supposed to be fulfilling to a woman to suffer the temper and violence of a male partner willingly, even lovingly?

i can identify with both characters in this song, and maybe that’s the root of the complexity for me.  i’ve been the out of control person who lashed out physically.  i’ve also been the person who was the target of out of control behavior.  i’ve been on both sides of the equation, and that’s what draws me into this song in the first place — an acknowledgment that both parties go at it sometimes and lose control.  but the ending sucks.  i would find the song that much more compelling if they both ended in the flames, if it were a mutual destruction, rather than the male partner mastering the female partner and walking away free.

so now i feel conflicted.  should i oppose this song on ethical grounds?  why does it have such an effect on me?  am i overanalysing a stupid pop song?  feel free to discuss, or add your own strong reactions to cultural bits that don’t always have redeeming social value…