my week of wonderment

This week (which felt like it lasted a month) I’ve met about 40 new people, and out of all of them I think I could be friends with at least 20 of them.  I had to choose between two different social events on Friday night, both of which I really wanted to attend.  Unprecedented.  The one I picked was fantastic — my new group of queer women friends went out dancing downtown (sans M.) and had such a good time.  

I have never been out in that kind of environment (with the exception of a few nights in the UK with our friends) without feeling awkward and out of place, but I felt right at home with them.  I think the combination of being there with a group but not looking for someone to take home with me meant that I could just relax and have fun.  Though I am starting to suspect that I really like to flirt…they wondered out loud if M. doesn’t mind me going out without her, to which I say, well, we are trying to build community separately as well as together.  We honour and respect each other’s boundaries as well as love each other to pieces.  I would never do anything but very mild flirting, and only in a very respectful manner.  And frankly, I encourage M. to do the same.  

We all had so much fun, I didn’t get home until 2:45 am.

Then last night we visited our new friends in CT, a freakin’ long drive, but it was so awesomely worth it.  I’m always up for a road trip, since it means quality time in the car with my “queer butch stud boi” (according to Jess!) (and she is, you can believe it), and we had the best pizza I’ve ever had outside of Regina’s in Boston. (my regional loyalty is preventing me from going any further with that comparison…)  So much fun.  

We got home at 4:00 am.

Today, as one might imagine after all that partying, was about recovery.  And what better recovery than retail therapy?  I think having so much affirmation from this new queer community we’re building made it really fun to go out shopping together; we got M. some hot new fall coats, me a cute new shirt.  And the whole time, I felt completely confident in my femme prowess picking things out for her to try on, rocking out in the men’s sections, dissolving into giggles trying on ridiculous hats.  Good times. 

So here’s to not feeling uncomfortable and awkward.  All week, in situations where I would once have been the shy freaky quiet one, I put myself out there and talked to people.  And all week, I was surrounded by happy people who seemed to like me.  I loved it.

So thanks, people.  You all rock!

changing perspective

It’s nice to be back in the Boston area, but I think I’ve calmed down a lot since hitting this new decade. Most of the time I’ve lived away from here has been spent desperately trying to get back.  We came for college, left after college, came back, couldn’t find work, left again, came back again.  Each time, coming back to the Boston area was like a talisman for us — a beacon of hope in troubled, trying lives.

The last time we left, we moved to the UK for 10 months.  When we came back, we moved to greater Boston for the fourth time. I wonder if it’s the last time. This place has lost the sense of urgency it used to hold for me — it’s no longer the promised land of milk and honey.  I can even admit that it has its problems, not the least of which is really strong racial segregation and terrible street crime in poorer neighborhoods, which doesn’t get addressed until it spills over into richer ones.  Not to mention the wholesale takeover of downtown by rich, obnoxious yuppies.  

It’s possible that we’ll never leave again, but I think it’s unlikely.  I get a certain thrill from picking everything up and starting over.  If I had to put money on it, I would bet that we’ll leave again, and come back again, possibly more than once.  Possibly not come back at all.  It feels really good to be open, flexible, free — no longer worried about being one certain thing, or needing to live in one place in order to be happy.  I feel as though I can finally listen to the Buddhist principle of impermanence, maybe because I can finally recognize the impermanence of my own self.  I had to move away enough times to be forced to try to figure out who I really am, and then I realized that that person is completely independent not only of where I live, but of who I was yesterday and who I will be tomorrow.

happy birthday, baby!

So, my partner in crime is turning 29.  Good times!  I was there at her 13th birthday party, the only pudgy girl there, standing awkwardly in her pool with a t-shirt over my (hand-me-down) swimsuit, feeling about as attractive as a beached albino whale.  God only knows why she continued to associate with me.  In spite of this, she went on asking me over to hang out, culminating in a sleepover where her dog tried to trample me to death, in her bed.  Our courtship took a very long time, indeed.  Oh yeah, and another of her dogs ate my slippers. I guess we were kind of even after that…

Speaking of pudginess, imagined or real, let me pass on a word of advice:  when admiring your lover’s plentiful ass, do not refer to it as her ‘bouncy, jiggly bits’.  Even if that’s what you really think.  Really.

I love you, M.  I hope this year brings you more joy than you can take, many new friends, and lots of success on all fronts.  

And thanks for loving my ‘bouncy, jiggly bits’.

less content than there should be these days!

Sorry! It’s been boring around here recently. If you haven’t watched the video below, what are you waiting for? It will make your day, guaranteed. A bit of an update on what’s going on around here:

*****

Some good news: we had dinner with some of our oldest friends, and it was fine.  More than fine, we both actually had a good time.  We talked about politics, our careers, their careers, plans, old times, and it was great. We got tired and went home not because it had been emotionally exhausting, but because it was late.  

This may not sound like much, but after the month we’ve had, it was so, so nice to feel like we do still have friends who like us for who we really are.  Some of our other friends seemed to like us well enough when we went around apologizing all the time for who and what we are.  Now that we’ve stopped, and are embracing our genders and our queerness and our politics, it feels like they are surprised and disappointed that we are so much less than they thought we were.  I suppose they thought we were fine, upstanding citizens before, dykes they would be happy to introduce to their mothers and say, ‘look how gay marriage is good for society’.  And now, we’re the ones they’re embarrassed to have at their weddings.  Except, oops, they already invited us.  And they still want to have dinner parties with us, and we’re not having such a good time at them so we don’t reciprocate…it’s a mess.

*****

We spent time at the Cape, and it was awesome. We went for a bike ride, we ate fried food, we sat out a rainstorm on the beach and even saw a seal. We bonded with M.’s aunts. We didn’t check our email once. It was really nice for three days, but I’m more of a do-er on vacation; I get a little stressed at more than a couple of days of inactivity, so it was really perfect timing.  We even made it to Provincetown, where I am ashamed to admit I had spent less than 5 minutes total until Tuesday afternoon.  The verdict?  Full of straight tourists!  Ack!  Fun, but maybe overrated?  More fun with a rented cottage full of drunk lesbians?  For sure.  Maybe we can arrange that better sometime in the future…

*****

In Tina’s tradition of convolution, I’m answering Jess’s comment on M.’s blog: most emphatically yes. Like amazing yes. Today yes. Oh my god yes. IMO, the hair thing is a worry that all this awesomeness is going to disappear back into the primordial ooze of crazy that was our lives pre-March.  

*****

There’s progress on the making-queer-friends front:  I’m meeting up with some women I found on the internet tonight to see if we get along and want to hang out more.  I feel sort of cheesy, but hopeful as well.  I’m so open to new experiences right now it certainly can’t hurt!  So wish me luck.

good asian drivers

i love this video:

okay, okay, one word:

yes ok folks i’m doing it too

1. Where is your cell phone? um…?
2. Your significant other? sexy
3. Your hair? blond
4. Your mother? yikes!
5. Your father? grrr…
6. Your favorite time of day? night
7. Your dream last night? no:(
8. Your favorite drink? whiskey
9. Your dream goal? power
10. The room you’re in? gorgeous
11. Your ex? nope
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? employed
14. What you are not? mean
15. Your Favorite meal? eggplant
16. One of your wish list items? shoes
17. The last thing you did? sleep
18. Where you grew up? MA
19. What are you wearing? underwear
20. Your TV is? boxed
21. Your pets? cats
22. Your computer? table
23. Your life? exciting
24. Your mood? happy
25. Missing someone? no
26. Your car? honda
27. Something you’re not wearing? pants
28. Favorite store? books
29. Your summer? long
30. Your favorite color? green
31. When is the last time you laughed? morning
32. When is the last time you cried? awhile
33. Your health? good
34. Your children? no!
35. Your future? big
36. Your beliefs? strong
37. Young or old? whatever
38. Your image? sweet
39. Your appearance? average
40. Would you live your life over again knowing what you know? dunno